QUISENBERRY
FUNERAL HOME
4th and Delaware, Tonganoxie, KS
913-845-2740
|
|
QUISENBERRY |
|
Page created and designed
by |
Each of us is different, but for most people grieving follows a pattern, proceeds through stages. We do not all experience every phase. Nor do we move through grief at the same pace or with equal intensity. The following characteristics constitute the basic elements of the grief experience: Shock: A period of numbness usually follows the event of a loved one's death. One feels stunned, in a trance. It could last only minutes, but also persist for days or even longer. The state of shock allows a person time to absorb what has happened an to begin to adjust. People sometimes use tranquillizers for a extended period. There's also a tendency to leave decision-making to others. Yet it is important to face the reality of the death and to regain control of the direction of one's life. Emotional Upheaval: As Shock wears off, grief gives rise to variety of emotions. When such feelings seem overwhelming, we do well to defer major decisions. Other grievers and counselors can help us interpret and deal with these feelings. As we come to understand what we experience, we can find appropriate ways to ventilate our emotions and to channel them to our advantage. Physical Distress: The mental and emotional upset of a loss can cause physical distress and make us vulnerable to illness. Grief sometimes causes us to neglect healthy nourishment and exercise or to overindulge ourselves in drinking, smoking or medication. We might need a doctor's advice in regard to our symptoms, their causes and there treatment. Panic: The death of a loved one makes the future uncertain. We might panic in the face of the unknown and the fear of "going it alone." Panic prevents concentration and defers acceptance of the finality of death. It tempts us to run from life, to avoid people and refuse to try new things. Patience with ourselves and a willingness to accept help from others will enable us to subdue panic and outgrow its confusion. Guilt: Many people fault themselves in connections with a loved one's death. We have all made mistakes in our relationships and sincere regret is the best response to them. However, self-reproach, out of proportion to our behaviour, can effect our recovery from grief. Close friends or a trusted counselor and aid us in confronting and dealing with guilt feelings, whether justified or exaggerated. Hostility: People in grief naturally ask Why? "Why him/her? Why now? Why like this?" Most of these questions have no answers. Frustration then causes us to feel resentment and anger. We want someone to blame: God, doctors, clergy, ourselves, even the person who died. If we can accept the lack of answers to "Why?", we might begin to ask, instead: "What can we do now to grow through what has happened?" Then we have started to move beyond anger and towards hope. Depression: Grievers typically, but in varying degrees, experience loneliness and depression. This pain, too, will pass. It is important to realize that being alone need not inevitably result in loneliness. Moreover, stresses other than death-loss could account for depression. Reaching out to others is a keep way to lessen loneliness and to overcome depression. Aimlessness: At times in the grieving process, a kind of drifting occurs. Mourners find it is difficult to return to familiar, even necessary activities. We prefer to daydream about what was, or fantasize about what might have been. If we can foster gratitude for potential for the future, this will prove a passing phase rather than a permanent state of aimlessness. Hope: In time and with effort, hope grows. We can express emotions without embarrassment or apology. We can feel concern and show interest in others. We can make decisions and assume responsibility for ourselves. The example of other recovered grievers can serve as signs of hope for ourselves. Reaffirmations: Eventually, a bereaved person recognizes and embraces a healing truth" "Grief has changed me, but has not destroyed me. I've discovered new things about myself. I can build on the strengths developed through adversity. I'm no longer my "old self", but I'm still me, and i face the future with confidence. Information source: A History of Funeral Services in Atlantic, a book by Harold Gunderson
|